Pump It Up!
You were appalled to discover that your walk to the mailbox (6 days a week might we add) does not actually count as physical exertion. How could that be, you were really feeling the burn for those 2 minutes there. Now what? Are we actually expected to exercise? Exercise can seem like a scary habit to begin, especially when you have so meticulously been avoiding the gym, mirrors, and bathing suits for the last five years. But no matter what your athletic ability may be, a couple of doctors seem to agree that working out is important. So how do you do it? Well there is always…
Option A:
Step 1) Take a few drama classes at the local theater. Once you have perfected your acting technique, try out for a major motion picture. Keep in mind that barring actually having talent or a history as a best-selling actress you may need to coerce directors, producers, and other seemingly important people (which can be identified by there possession of multiple cell phones and lack of personality) with money and lots of it.
Step 2) Once you have become a hollywood movie star, start acting out in public places. Might I suggest a few classics: Show up to a club half naked, get in a sordid relationship with your movie’s executive producer, or get in a sordid relationship with your movie’s executive producer’s wife and show up with her half naked at a club
Step 3) Once the paparazzi start swarming, you will be forced to run away just to maintain the slightest bit of privacy. All this running is bound to keep you in shape (not to mention the pressure from Hollywood and the free time and endless amounts of money at your disposal)
If perhaps you really feel that your current career in Biotechnology is worth saving then there is always…
Option B:
Step 1) Find a workout buddy. It is great to have someone who is ready to go workout even when you are not, someone who will say “come on, put on your sneaks, let’s go.” Choose someone who is passionate about exercise or who is at least excited about getting in shape. Remember it’s not a one way street, it is just as important for you to motivate them when they aren’t in the mood. Also, don’t feel pressured to find someone with your athletic ability, half the battle is just getting out there, once you are feel free to go at your own pace.
Step 2) Find exercises you like. There is nothing worse than spending a half hour on a treadmill if it makes you miserable. Exercise doesn’t mean one specific thing, there are many ways to workout: Swimming, dancing, tennis, biking, hiking. Find something that works for you. Don’t forget, each type of exercise requires a different level of exertion so depending on what you are doing you may need to spend more time at it.
Step 3) Pick a motivator. While losing weight is a motivator, it is kind of an abstract one. It is better to go with something tangible like “If I work out 5 days a week for the next month I am going to reward myself with those shoes I have been eyeing.” Think of something you want that is worth the work!
Step 4) Small steps! Don’t expect to go out there and run a marathon. Choose goals that are small and attainable and slowly build from there. Start with, “I am going to run 5 miles this week” or “I am going to spend 5 hours at the gym this week.” Think short term, even if those small goals are leading up to something bigger in the long run like, “I am going to do a triathlon in a year.”
If neither of these work, try running to your mailbox.. and while you’re at it, deliver all your neighbors’ mail to their doors too.
